I am “Evil Edward Norton”

As advertised, I’ve finally made the full transition into Evil Edward Norton by shaving my lumberjack-like beard into a svelte goatee.

It took about a week’s growth of an itchy beard to get to this point, and I only used a razor to get this long growth into a goatee. It was quite painful to shave… physically, not emotionally.

So, the reason I call this the “Evil Edward Norton” is simple. You can tell if Edward Norton is playing a good guy or a bad guy based on whether or not he wears a goatee.

Think about it. In what roles does he wear the goatee versus the clean shave?

In “The Incredible Hulk,” he was good-guy Bruce Banner. No goatee.

In “The Italian Job,” he played a dishonorable thief named Steve. Yep… a goatee.

He played an FBI agent in “Red Dragon” standing face-to-face with Anthony Hopkins’ Hannibal Lector. No goatee.

Although a supporting player in “Rounders,” he sported no goatee in the poker flick with Matt Damon.

In “American History X,” he played a former Neo-Nazi skinhead. You guessed it… a goatee.

So, now that I’ve grown my goatee out, I expect that people will treat me with a bit of suspicion. After all, everyone who attends the Edward Norton School of Facial Hair Choices knows that people with goatees cannot be trusted.

I’ll be keeping this during my month-long vacation, but I’ll have to shave it off if I wear my uniform on my cruise. It’s really sad, though. I think a goatee in an Air Force service dress uniform would look terrific.

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