Been in Iraq Too Long

This was forwarded to me, and although I don’t typically forward these things (much less put them on my blog), I couldn’t help but post this.

You know you’ve been in Iraq too long when…

1. You run in terror from a controlled detonation your first week, then stand in the open to watch real mortars landing, a month later.

2. The most intimate contact you’ve had in months is with the shower curtain.

3. Your most successful pick-up line is “I’ve got a vehicle.”

4. All the Air Force people look like glow-in-the-dark Power Rangers and you can’t see the Army Folks.

5. Your 6:00 am wake-up call is “BOOM… Alarm Red, Alarm Red, Alarm Red.”

6. They actually give weapons to the Air Force personnel.

7. You give directions using T-Wall & Bunker murals.

8. You realize AAFES is their own country, and can print their own money.

9. The amount of sand in your boots is only surpassed by the amount in your nose.

10. Something as simple as taking a shower or going to the bathroom at 2:00 in the morning requires preparation equal to the Apollo moon landing.

11. The Texas Style Brisket is not from Texas, is not brisket, and has no style.

12. You are watching a “chick-flick” with 300 guys with machine guns.

13. Your internet connection is twice as slow as your old dial-up connection back home, and you’re paying twice as much.

14. Your lying under your bed in your IBA writing to your spouse, “No, nothing exciting happened today” and you mean it.

15. You can buy a car or truck from the on post AAFES, but paper towels are nowhere to be found.

16. You live in a gated community, but your home is still a trailer.

17. You are caught way over the speed limit and you are only going 22 MPH.

18. During Alarm Red someone jumps out of the bunker to tell you to get your hands out of your pockets.

19. Your idea of a night on the town is going to another DFAC.

20. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but you still wouldn’t want to be on that side of the fence.

21. Dusting the furniture has a whole new meaning.

22. “Pimp my Ride” means putting doors on your Hummer.

23. U2 is hitting the charts again.

24. The local community holds fireworks displays every night in your honor.

25. Driving over the curb seems totally natural.

26. The outcome of the war hinges on how you wear your reflective belt.

27. You see a guy in full battle rattle driving a Humvee trying not to spill his latte.

28. It feels normal to dry your hands at the DFAC with toilet paper.

29. Your idea of a clear day is when you can see the perimeter of the base from where you’re at.

30. The dust on the dashboard of your vehicle is an inch think, but you don’t even notice it.

31. You don’t even notice T-walls anymore.

32. Cold water from the shower is only possible after 1 Oct.

33. Getting your laundry back from the contractor is a big deal.

34. A 105-degree day in the summer actually feels cool.

35. You don’t even notice an F-16 taking off anymore.

36. You don’t stop what you’re doing anymore, when you hear automatic gun fire coming from the perimeter.

37. You used to think that F-16’s, doing afterburner take-offs, were cool. Now it just tees you off.

38. Without even looking outside, you know that the weather sucks, because you weren’t awake all night from the roar of the F-16’s.

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6 thoughts on “Been in Iraq Too Long

  1. Isn’t it wonderful that we can find humor in just about everything. Although nothing is humorous about you being there, this is a means of sanity until you arrive home safely with us.

    Luv ya,

    Pat

  2. That’s it. I’m sending paper towels!
    Do F-16’s actually tee you off? Can you kick one and be like, “@$%^!”

  3. Can you explain the glow in the dark air force and invisible army reference? Is it just that air force uniforms are brighter?

  4. Believe it or not, people here still love to hear F-16s even if they are not at a NASCAR event. Someone actually coined a phrase for it called “the sound of Freedom”. Obviously, they are not trying to sleep at the time.

  5. Ok, I know I’m waaaay late on this, but I can definitely relate to each and every one of those posts. My personal favorite is the chick-flick comment — it is so true. One thing is for sure, while being in a war zone and being shot at daily isn’t fun, I will always treasure my time in the sandbox for the good and bad that these 38 posts represent. Keep up the fight!

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