Parking 101

Terrific Parking JobIn Baghdad, it’s not enough to park your car in a parking space. You have to cram your car into any available space.

I ran across this excellent parking job the other day as I was taking someone to pick up their vehicle from service.

So, let me explain the rules of parking as I understand them.

  1. If your vehicle is at least two inches smaller than the size of the space, you can parallel park in that space.
  2. While moving into the space, inch forward until your bumper causes the vehicle in front of you to move. Then hit the brake. Shift into reverse to adjust your angle taking care not to hit the vehicle behind you. Then move forward until your bumper causes the vehicle in front of you to move. Shift into park.
  3. If your vehicle has 4-wheel drive, you can park as deep in the gravel rocks as you wish.
  4. If your vehicle has 2-wheel drive, park your vehicle at the vehicle dispatch office until you can get a 4-wheel drive vehicle. It’s easier to move other vehicles with your car when you have 4-wheel drive.
  5. If your car is damaged because you backed into a wall, file a complaint with the garrison office about how close the concrete barricades are to your vehicle.

So, to drive and park in Baghdad, all you have to do is shrug off any personal responsibility and any driving skills, and you too can park your van on a bus bumper.

I just ordered a new 2010 Ford Escape for when I return home. It has an auto-park feature, which apparently will save me the hassle of knowing how to parallel park.


3 thoughts on “Parking 101

  1. So… you take care to hit the car the car in front of you – twice – but you actually don’t hit the car behind you??

    It’s got a front bumper.
    You’ve got a rear one.

    Don’t let them go to waste!

    If I let a machine do my parallel parking for me, it will almost certainly be over someone’s dead body…

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